Rêveries du geisha moderne

Ah, finally the motion picture 'Memoirs of a Geisha' will be released soon, and I can hardly wait. Saw those captivating screen shots and the trailer multiple times. ZZY is the epitome of eastern hotness, no one comes close. Even her broken english sounds so orgasmic. So yeah, I am quite skeptical about products made in the PRC, but in all honest sincerity, if ANYONE swept that babe of her feet, her fire will burn right through his trousers...

Now, on the female difficulty of understanding guys. I've always thought women were more complex creatures, after all my grandma told me they were made of water, the most unpredictable of the elements. I really thought nirvana was at my doorstep, when I suceeded at quantifying and accurately assessing their emmotional states of being, but it turned out that they weren't women at all. They were just girls, and it got simpler because I was growing older. It sucked cos it never meant that I was smart, yet it was enlightening because females still had something I could still be in awe about.

Back to the question of interest. Guys, well there are many types..beefcakes, metros, gays, players, nerds etc etc. It appears most times that we are dickheads because when we deal with the opposite sex, we rarely use our brains. Still, that NEVER means we do not use fully utlise the faculties of our craniums. Put it simply, by using our dicks, it is defintiely wrong, but it feels so right. So yeah, the women just don't get it. The do not comprehend the satisfaction we gain at collecting human trophies, our over-sexed imaginations and the relationship between bulges at our biceps and self-esteem. They view it as fatal retardation of the brain. No wonder most women love gays, they do not use their dicks with the opposite sex.

There are some who go around breaking girls' hearts. In layman's terms they're called players or in more feminine dialects, playboys. I have never seen a real player of late. If its really a game, no one gets hurt. It is only a game, you score when you make her happy. When you leave, she is still happy, for she has scored with you as well. Smart players (now this is working on the hypothesis that players have knowledge about the art of seduction) never pick targets that take things too personally. Sounds thought provoking? No, think again. Birds of a feather flock together, so do players. Women are getting more adept at the game too (note the use of the term 'women' as oppposed to 'girls'). It is challenging therefore, to enter a mutual agreement of entrapment and pleasure with no strings attached. There is nothing glamorous in catching the wrong prey and finding out that the other wants it real while you don't. It feels like hoping for a paris hilton wannabe on your blind date, only to get a closet nerd who looks like patricia mok.

There is a shortage of women in my life, I mean real women. There are girls aplenty, but emotional baggage are like old skin that needs to be shed off before greater glories are revealed. Fairy tales are not the same as romance. Being pleased is a far cry from learning how to please a man. A girl can make a man laugh, but only a woman can capture his heart. Isn't it ironic then, that even real men are hard to come by?

The mystery of the missing rib...

Love her not for beauty, for it fades with the ashes of time.
Love her not for character, for the storms of life will alter its roots
Love her not for fame, for it is the praise of men you desire
Love her not for riches, for you will lose your soul
Love her not for idolatry, for it hears and listens not
Love her not for fate, for what is here today is gone tomorrow
Lover her not for romance, for it will be a dying flame
Love her not for loneliness, for solitude is your window to heaven
Love her not for faith, for Adam asked not of Eve
Love her not for yourself, for that is not love at all

But love her, because she is the only one who can make you complete.

St. Joel November 2005

I tried to remember it as best as I could, even though it speaks of something far from where I am now. Dreams are disturbing, they tell us things we know, and others that are yet to be.

Audiofeed- one night in Beijng

A cold autumn, with dried oak leaves dancing on the grey streets of urban Shanghai. The suns sets early as the months grow cold, biting the bustling crowd that colored the city. Upon graduation, the 6 of us decided to embark on a short vacation. Sam, Nick and myself had started work a few months back, while my 3 beloved 'daughters' in school had completed their convocation. It was something we planned for a long time, to celebrate our liberation from academic slavery and to embrace the challenging yet fulfilling life ahead. She was supposed to come with me, but like all lovers, lies got the better of us, or did it? I held her photograph in my hand as I stepped out from the bookstore, only to let the gale snatch it away.

"Something's wrong, bro? We should be on our way now, the girls are meething us at the square."

It was Sam. He never failed to call me that ever since we became friends. He knew most of what happened, yet he never uttered a single word. Before I met them, I lead a life no one wanted to know. To others, I was just the average Joe in the crowd, the insignificant other who tettered on the sidelines of anonymity.

"Yup.." I replied, and we took a walk down to the square. When you are sojourning along the pavement of dreams, time almost becomes negligible.

They were all waiting for us there. Nick, Keryn, Melissa and Jenny aka XD. I felt bad joining them in my sadness, but they insisted that I travel with them. The girls were like little sisters to me. Fun-loving, naive and excessively optimistic. It was the joy of their youth, the taste of its sweetness that added colorful rainbows to their existence. Perhaps they hoped that the fun and laughter they brought to my life would ease the pain. They were contented with life, but I had allowed foolish ideas to take the bliss away.

We spent an hour sitting down by the park, feeding the white pigeons that were coaxed by our bread crumbs. Nick was feeling photo-savvy, so the gang agreed to part company until nightfall. The girls headed to the mall for retail therapy, while the 3 of us figured that the old railway station would be a good source for capturing artistic moments.

The walls of the station felt cold to the touch. It was shrouded in solitude, for we seemed to be the only visitors in a long, long time. There were statues from various periods, idols that emobdied queer ideals spawned during the Great Revolution. I asked Nick about the contrast of the buildings and the sky that loomed above.

"It does complement your mood, does it? You should lighten up...the sky will change and the picture will be better." He gave a pat on the back and walked away.

I stopped looking up. For once, my heart and mind went along with me too. I desired all that was high and lofty. In a noble sense, it was chasing a dream. In a cruel sense, it was pursuing my ambitions. Ken was right. I let it get to me too much that I lost the one I really cared about. It felt tasteless and empty, for that moment I wished that she, not me was the one by their side.

I felt the virbration of my mobile in the pocket by my knee. It was Keryn, her voice full of animation and excitement, like a tomb raider who had stumbled upon lost treasure.

"Hey 老爸，我们刚才好像看到她了！！'

Solomon's love

She is nothing like my Muse. Still, my Muse was never like anyone. Single, fair female. If I found her clone then all inspiration conceived through those years have been in vain. It was the ideal that held those words in a silent symphony, where reality fades behind the facade and the fantasy. Within the spell, her face, movements and voice were like fireflies that illuminated the abyss of my weakness. Through her I knew the meaning of my letters, and through those letters her memory became immortal. She's gone now, thus even what I see here on earth is only a fragment of the earthen shell that once covered a perfect soul.

The one that I think about now, is human. Frail and simple, she only longs for a lifetime of blissful peace with the man she loves. Someone who will whisper the lullabies into her ear, with calloused hands that pull the covers over her cold body. It makes sense, for desires like these are destined for happiness, and nothing else. In reality, it is the life of lovers, albeit an imperfect one.

I wonder if Solomon really loved, despite bearing the gift of wisdom. He aquired much, yet the harem fell short of gving the pleasure he greatly desired during the twilight of his colorful existence. With wisdom comes romance, we know this for only those endowed with it have painted beauty larger than life. Perfection was never found in living, it was only dramatized through the writings of men who sought gems that the world discarded as stones. It was a relentless pursuit, a lifelong endeavour that bore no material fruit. Nevertheless, the passion consumed them, and it burned beyond their dying breaths. An imprint on the fabric of time, a legend the future could never deny.

So then, is it divine to aquire a Muse? There is much to learn in a single conception, a far cry from sexist accusations that the female form was treated with disdain in days of old. Even wisdom, the supreme way of life, was given the female personification. Remember, in the dream the young king asked his God not for riches, power, or even the love of a woman. He asked for something that gave him much more than the ephemeral consequences that entailed it.

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her and she will exalt you. Embrace her, and she will honor you." (Proverbs 4:7-8)