In conclusion...

Unlike the previous years, this one will be closed in a quiet fashion. I am too old for wild parties and booze. Well, it was a year of self-actualization, philosophy books, groovy dances, losing weight, shy bitches, fun-loving brothers, scandals, dead muses and ignorant little women. So here are the things I hope to experience next year (in no order of importance)

1) Longer sideburns
2) No late nights
3) Master the science of statistics
4) Take more vegetables
5) Run and swim longer distances
6) More babes in sch (that's quite hard...from past experience)
7) Complete the story of my friends
8) Learn to taste fine wine
9) Play the guzheng
10) Eat more bugs
11) Go to church more often
12) Finish perusing the Old Testament
13) Read more chinese books
14) Develop the new shy bitch v3
15) Take up rollerblading again
16) Get a newspaper intership
17) Visit Tibet (if the economy is good)
18) Dream of a new muse OR take a picture with Zhang Ziyi
19) See more thought-provoking anecdotes from Nick on msn
20) Attain the divine peace which transcends all understanding

Great expectations

'I'm not going to tell the story the way it happened. I'm going to tell it the way I remember it.'- Finn Bell "Great Expectations" (1998)

Saw it from start to end, yet it told me nothing I didn't already know. His awakening, his muse and his search for perfection, it all felt like the life I had lived not too long ago. The only thing now that's real, is the fact that she's no longer there.

She used to be everything I could ever dream of, even more perfect than my own dreams. Still, I forced myself to put it all behind, to leave the broken pieces of her scattered on my floor and for once, to teach myself to grow up.

I did, by fate or by my own device, I packed my bags and left the beauty of my youth behind for the wild, untamed sea. Like Arthur Lustig, he whispered many times into my ear, reminding me of my childhood, my innocence and how without him, all this would not have happened at all. I will never forget those words, and I know that when the time comes for him to die, I will be the one to hold his book and his story in the palm of my hand.

So I journeyed far from myself. I saw and aquired much. Wine, women, success and even friendship, they gradually robbed my thoughts of her. Even as I stopped to not forget, the images I had of her were not that familiar anymore.

I came back, and I penned much of my experiences on the paper, hoping someday others can remember me for them. They wanted her pictures, and I could understand why. My friend became a publisher, and he knew most of what I wrote about her. They told me she was the one they needed. They wanted my work and her face, so she posed for them, with camera lights raining on her smile.
I think months ago, another one sat here wriitng his diary. Today, as I saw Finn touch her hand, facing the wide open sea, I remembered the ending that walked my dreams, and how I saw her again when it no longer mattered, on a pretty Tuesday noon.

Right now, I see a fever coming, and I dearly hope it makes me forget.

'She'll only break your heart, it's a fact. And even though I warn you, even though I guarantee you that the girl will only hurt you terribly, you'll still pursue her. Ain't love grand?'- Ms Dinsmoor "Great Expectaions" (1998)

Nguyen redefined

The cops seized him and opened his bag. They found 396.2 grams of heroine. He was on transit to Melbourne,so the drugs were not even meant for the country where he was caught, but he had no choice. He agreed to take the job because his brother had a debt only substance trafficking could pay.

Three years down, we hanged him even before the sun was over the horizon. His brother, the man he died for, was here to mourn, his eyes closed along with all the faithful well wishers, who appealed for a lost cause. Humanity meant different things to those who were at his funeral. Some recalled the sweets the convict saved for the inmates. Others mourned the sacrifice he made, while intellectuals questioned our cold judgment on his actions.

They even colored his affair with politics, through the appeals made to our leaders. Once, twice, even five personal calls were not enough. Clemency is not compromise for principle. If our geographical location facilitated the process of drug abuse, letting him go would have the rest of world's traffickers at our ports.

The west loves the liberation of humanity. It runs in their veins, more so a country that began as a refuge for migrant prisoners. We wonder why it matters so much to them, for culture has thought us that the preservation of stoic values are paramount to the integrity of a society. Power is not a right exercised by the individual, but it obeys the hierarchy that encompasses it. At the end of the spectrum, there lies the possibility of anarchy. The Greeks brought much liberation through their wisdom, but they bid political deviants drink hemlock. The Romans gave us beaurecratic civilisation, but they crucified their criminals.

Think again, before you mourn. Think about what mercy and punishment means, before you say anything. Think about freedom and chaos, and tell me if they are the same thing.