Perceptions and Personalities

This site is going through a gradual change. The main title was taken from the name of a friend I knew many years ago. It does bear several similarities to the name and character. Well, my 'Columbine' is all gone now. I can hope for her return, but would that change anything? Harlequin can never be true to her. There is much frailty behind his mask of magic. He is a poor, lonely boy, and he could never melt her heart.

Just a few seconds, before reality comes.

Blind spots...I think we all have them. Our friends see them, but we don't. No one carries a mirror everytime, so there are certain sides to our personality that those around us can perceive. It is important that we seek to discover our blind spots, they help us see the world through other people's eyes. To understand others, we must first be understood by ourselves.

After chatting with Mel last night, I figured certain issues in life were spot-ons. Initially you are attracted to someone, and you take the initiative to know that person. Yet, as you get closer to him/her, you wonder if everything made sense. You begin to doubt, and you wonder if that person could ever be your special someone.

In her case, I think my instincts were runnin on a similar vein to Mel's. It is only now that I'm certain that I did the right thing, ignoring the advice of those who wanted 'something to happen'. She is pretty, we can tallk, but I just feel it has to be more than that. If I had ignored those doubts and carried on, I would certainly be a very deluded person, no matter how innocent and idealistic everything would be. That was when I realized I had discovered my blind spot. My friends were able to see that part of me, even before I did.

To put it crudely, I let my dick get the better of my brain once again. She was never a shy bitch, although it was easy to picture her as one. Her simplicity was beautiful, but it was far from an inspiration. Unlike 'Columbine', she could never unmask Harlequin and make him human. As much as I feel it should be simple, I am no longer an innocent faithful in the game of love. If there is only bliss, it just means the pain hasn't come. When it does, it might just be too much for the fated ones to bear.

At the end, I am still dancing alone, with a beating heart waiting to be given away.

"I like girls who are alot smarter than I am. They've always got something new to tell you; there's something more to learn."-Paul Walker (From Life! 20th March, 2006)

That was a summary of the things I initially wanted to write. With all the academic theories consuming large quantities of synapses, it is hard to milk out some decent inspiration. Nevertheless there are a few simple issues worth musing about.

Let's do a simple non numerical ANOVA (analysis of variance). Take away the digits from the equation, I'm sure many of you would find the concepts idiot proof. The best part is, you don't even need a significant statistic to support the hypothesis. So to begin, we picture 2 possible scenarios for investigation, namely the null and alternative hypotheses

The null hypothesis (H-0): Intelligence has NO effect on the quality of romantic relationships for 3 generations (grandparents, parents, and us)

The alternative hypothesis (H-1): Intelligence does have an effect, causing at least ONE generation to differ from the other.

Notice that 3 groups are being tested, therefore we are looking at a multi-factor deisgn. Human beings are the factor, and the 'generation' represents the level. Furthermore, it is a fact that educatiion results in a more intellectual population. Therefore, based on such logic. the treatment (intelligence, knowledge, education and all the other literate stuff that makes us supposedly smarter) increases for each treatment group. For now, let's not attempt to predict the direction of the effect, whether or not intelligence causes more break-ups/divorce or longer and stronger marriages. We just observe the material conditions, their relative differences and check our proposed assumptions again.

The working process is simple, just do YOUR own case study on your grams, your parents and yourself.

GRAND-FOLKS
If I am chronologically correct, most of them were born before or during the War, which explains their illogical fear of Japanese products and annual pilgrimages to China. Most of them can't speak the vernacular languages of english and mandarin, but their fluent in a wide variety of dialects. The rich dopes of the higher classes have lost all traces of that, sometimes they think their grandma is from Mars. Education was scarce in those days. Girls learnt to cook, sew, wash clothes and give brith even before they could write their own names. They knew little about having a boyfriend until the matchmaker came. On the worst side of things, some of them didn't even have a choice. If the bloke was ugly, they bore the pain themselves all alone.

However, their limited knowledge of the world could have been a blessing in disguise. I mean, they knew little, so they kept things simple. The 'ideal' for them was to fulfill their parental duties to the best of their abilities. Grounded in strict Confucian teachings, they believed that values had to be passed down. A husband provided for the family, the wife looked after the kids. Do that, and you will have enough joss sticks on your altar.

PARENTS
The lovely baby bommers. By now everything was moving fast. Communication techonologies brought us closer to the world. Everyone had some form of education, so we have more people having english names. There was a shift in priorities, we wanted to be contributors to the global economy so we worked our asses off instead of playing games with our kids. Women dreaded the word 'homemaker.' It reminded them of the illiterate generation, the one that brought them to become healthy, intellectural citizens.

If you plot the curve, you will see a sharper rise in the number of initiated relationships. Boy sees girl, they fall in love, they marry. Our love lives become an imitation of Monroe and Hepburn. Hollywood was the serpent living in our garden of traditoin. The free movement some say, because a more educated bunch means being able to make more sane decisions. Free to love, but also free to part. My grandparents never even had a taste of first love, only first match. My mom and dad had other relationships before they met each other. So they come and tell me, there is no such thing as love at first sight. It does make sense, they have friends who are divorced. My grandparents don't even knoe there is such a word. It got me thinking: if love didn't happen, how did ah kong ever make it work with ah ma?

US
My Dad is a natural chauvinist. He believes that women today schemed the backbones away from men. I told him that if he was born in 1982 he would have been either Jewish rabbi or even worse a Catholic priest. No way he could find someone like my mother. Like jurassic species, they're extinct.

The truth is, we're more fucked up than anyone that came before us. We know what is sex when we're 14, we start trying it one year after. We even start filiming ourselves,as if we're so good to look at. We love hollywood romance so much we start thinking its real. No one reads language, but everyone wants to know body language. Dating tips, romance novels, and even counselling, but honestly did our grandparents ever needed that sort of shit? We're like so complicated we decide to stay single, the majority starts wondering if we're gay or lesbian.

By now, we're even smarter than our parents. With Internet, we can even hook up pospective partners without even touching or talking to them. I think the universal matchmaker is short changing us. No one really knows anyone nowadays, the more you know the more you're capable of hiding. You just make it complicated for yourself. Girls see a guy and they can think so much, they're not sure if its love. Guys see a girl, all they think about is sex. People can get married and not have kids, others have kids but aren't married. What a pretty pattern of social permutations. An attractive facade too, intelligence with sophistication but without the slightest inkling of love and responsibility.

I guess I have completed the equation. Accept or reject the hypothesis...that's up to you dear friends.

The fear of the news
'Just a few thoughts gathered after one lesson on policy. Now I fully understand why Gandhi never read the newspapers. It troubled his heart too much. For those not acustomed to the esoteric stuff in this entry, skip it and scroll down to the latest music video. Its the most awesome piece of J-pop to me at the moment...'


It has been long assumed that the reading of the papers was a knowledge-gathering exercise. However, the quality and effects of such knowledge may have been mis-represented.

Unlike other media programs, the primary function of news is not to entertain, but to educate. Following Bacon's theory that 'knowledge is power', news allows the masses to be active participants in a democratic environment, by allowing them access to viable information for better decisions. However, increasing interactions between media corporations and government bodies have compromised the independence of the media, inevitably resulting in the production of 'texts' that promote politically biased agendas.

It does seem that the more we know, or gather from the news, the more helpless we are. Being aware of issues that do not permit us to exert direct control conveys a deeps sense of insecurity. Such a problem raises constructive doubts on our 'empowerment' as citizens. If a government has stakes in the 4th estate, there is the possibility of imposing restrictions on alternative perspectives.

Certain laws are enforced with the objective of eliminating certain social classes. For example, compulsory education ensures that people attain required levels of literacy. Job prospects are improved and there arises concern about events that indirectly affect the individual's lifestyle and social status. News is the medium that delivers the goods, purely in a 'read-only' format. These recipients who develop anxiety and apprehension over the content, are unable to alter the direction which society is heading. The ruling classes have dominated their way of life through the news, where the only feasible solution is for everyone to reach the top of the class ladder itself. In doing so, news will lose all political purpose.

Looking at the flipside, one needs to consider the cultural background for the development of news in any country. News is not merely education, it also reflects a way of life. If the masses were coaxed into indoctrination, members of various classes will be alienated from one another. Like any other corporate mongul, the members of the ruling class would seek to consolidate their resources and prevent the emergence of the parvenu. To prevent such fragmentation, news highlights the stories that define a nation, in order that people might relate to it. Governments treat the population as a source of value, thus they are tasked with the responsibility of improving the welfare of its citizens.

News, as a media product, is polysemic. It reflects the culture and values of the people, which have been shaped through history. It seeks to govern, but only based on the majority consensus of happiness. With the onset of globalization, class dominance is a thing of antiquity. Applying Foucault's 'governmentality' in this context, society is composed of many institutions, each with its own logic and organizational framework. Governments have to be engaged in 'political courtship' with them by adopting different stances of governance based on the knowledge of that particular organization. Therefore, news becomes a valid tool to cater to the gratifications of the masses.

Are you attached?

Contrary to what the title suggests, this entry will not be about love or sex. Since my brithday is only a few minutes away, I shall abstain from all vile discourse. I do not intend to commit forgery on my chastity but it is the day of my original innocence, before I became a cute but fallen being.

Mobile suits, shy bitches, media classes and sleepless nights. Dreams of the insignificant other reveal suppressed thoughts and desires that have been trapped within the confines of my sub-conscious memory. Do such pictures surface, because they are on the path of mental decay, or are they wishes that have been denied?

Currently, I'm perusing a 38 page article on attachment theory. It highlights the interplay between nature and nurture. We are designed to propagate our own species, so we ensure our survival by establishing bonds with our primary caregivers. Emotional cues and responses are internalised and regulated into our behavior, so we develop habits and attitudes that enable us to cope with our own environmental context, or microsystem. It is astonishing that the ice-queens I've been worshipping have been brought up with terrible parenting styles. Avoidant attachment, that's what they call it. The baby gets kissed but never gets hugged. Parents display indifference to the infant's need for affirmation and disapprove of any heightened states of arousal. Thus an antisocial, aloof, cold and apparently unsympathetic character is produced.

It's funny that the word, 'dao' (hokkien for aloof) is actually a deep word. Ah bengs are neither linguists nor psychologists, yet they can derive so much meaning from just one syllable. Shrinks spent all their lives conducting experiments in playrooms while sitting on reclinining armchairs, and they come out with a whole trashbag of jargon just for that word?

Enough of conceptual musings. Since I might just confuse myself, I guess its better this 24 year old overgrown kid gets back to his Gundam wing anime series? The alternative universe cartoon is really tight, with 15 year old kids piloting massive robots with a matchless arsenal of firearms and talking about human freedom during their free time.

If only I had that kind of life, then turning 24 wouldn't feel so creepy.

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