A millions ways to change many things (or rather just a few)

One buddy is going to start work in a few hours time. It's his first real step up the career ladder. What's next? Girlfirend, car, marriage, kids and a mistress from China? OK, let's hope he won't be able to afford the last one. Otherwise, the wannabe journalist will be hot on his heels for a tabloid story.

Noticed a few things during the party that night, and boy it was a FAR CRY from the fun we had some six months back, when everyone was FRESH and ready to befriend. It was real sweet of her to host everyone, but it was obvious, there were two groups of very different people. I guess things have changed as everyone rubs onto one another's shoulders. It got me thinking deep inside, about why I bothered to treasure some over others, about why I shared problems that were never my own and yes, why I even bother to be there for some while I can just simply walk away from the rest.

Would you give up people who cherished your presence, or be with those that just wanted a crowd? Many times, fun and friendship can be stuck at both ends of the spectrum.

Yes..the word 'ass-holic' still rings in my head (that's another cool one from you bro). Unfortunately, I'm afraid my nice-guy days are rather numbered (if ever I was that nice to begin with). I do know for sure that some people are meant to be given up, and maybe forgotten, while others will remain with me, no matter how far apart we are.

On the next issue, is it worth giving up a world of friends, for one lover you might not necessarily attain? Well I'm not sure, even though I've never felt so old in my entire life, with many PYTS calling me 'dad' and 'brother' every other day. I'm still waiting for a good vibe to rain down, hopefully, or even more realistically just maybe, I will be able to keep some 'real love' this time. That's quite hard, for someone who dreams a few solar systems on a regular basis. I've always preferred the company and adoration of wood nymphs, so a firefly fairy might just scald me.

One thing I'm sure of, is that just looking inside all the time will eat one's soul alive. It's all about our money, our love, our comfort, our own life. I'm not saying that its wrong to achieve for our own sakes but has anyone paused to think about people you can freely give to? After all there is some truth in Karma, not the fortune part, but once you give your life to others, you will eventually find yourself. It's weird isn't it, how the whole wheel works. So yeah, I've resolved to teach a few disabled kids some acting skills. Would that make a difference? There's a miracle to it actually..you just gotta believe.

I do believe, that they will teach me more about life than ALL I can ever hope to impart to them.

Ten Ten

I can't tell you how sadistic and hilarious this is. Firstly, I never knew English could be that hard to learn. Second, where words fail me, only tears and laughter are left to express how I truly feel.

What happens next....

Loneliness, love and letting it go, it was a rollercoaster ride that lasted for 48 hours. How much has changed? At times, I wished I could just go into SEED mode like those mobile suit pilots...and destroy a hundred Zakus with impulse cannons, but if I acted on feelings alone, I would be the next greatest asshole.

Thanks to Nicky and Hui aka 'Xiaomei' for tolerating my rantings that night. It was a bad tantrum, and your hearts were big enough to feel every single word of it. Sigh, these moods I have aren't just worth the agony.

Moving on..does that mean you can't remember at all? What happened that night, was it a miracle, or the coming of age? I guess she bothers not to think about the bad things anymore, and strangely like the greatest twist that fate can ever play...what I pined for years ago came back when it no longer mattered to me anymore. Unlike the past, which we all like to live in, it was only a faint musing of nostalgia that greeted me, and disappeared the very moment I said goodbye to her.

Oh man....I look more evil in photographs these days. It's so un-cute and un -glam. I'm like some diabolical imp that hovers over people's mind, coaxing them to do evil. That's bad, because I want to age graciously like Sean Connery...not wickedly like Jack Nicholson or Anthony Hopkins.

My heart skipped a beat or 2 last night...in an unpredictable sort of way. It happened at the most unexpected places. It was terribly abnormal, I was sure I wasn't drunk. It's supposed to be for a hot babe, or even a Muse, where I'm concerned. Really...its not supposed to be that way. I'm gonna keep that shit under control, cos it breaks all my rules. If my feelings get the better of it, I will be forced to abstain from shy bitches for the rest of my blessed life.

Self fufilling prophecy: In Gundam Seed, ZAFT pilot Athrun Zala was supposed to be engaged to singing sensation Lacus Clyne, but he ended up with the noisy, whiny tomboy Cagali Yula Athla instead. (Since most of the songs in the Gundam Seed Destiny soundtrack were kinda loud, I decided to post the slowest number over here. Its 'Fields of Hope' by Rie Tanaka. To help the rest understand the sequence of the story in brief, Kira Yamato is the central character in the series. He's always with Lacus Clyne, the PYT with pink hair. Kira's sister is Cagali, the wedding bride that Kira abducts. Athrun Zala is the serious-looking dude with blue hair & green eyes. He pilots the pink/red coated mobile suit robot in the clip)

Shareware

Dee told me about how strange it was, when I first introduced Tushar to her. I guess she's right, it's pretty amazing that they are closer than glue.

Sometimes I guess its kinda weird how things started out. There was a time when no one knew anyone, and it just happened that I knew a few. Like what she said earlier on, alot of close friendships in class would not have started if I never brought A and B togther.

Nothing to flatter myself for anyway...since I got people together. In turn, they became closer to one another than they were to me. As long as no one spills any blood, there's no reason not to be satisfied with my efforts is there? Reward enough? I rather like to think...that there isn't much to regret if you give someone a best friend, or you unwittingly discover a soulmate for another. It's definitely better than $100 christmas gifts.

Feels like those people who keep nice looking birds. You see, a bird can sing for you and make you happy, but if you spared a thought for the pretty bird, you know it deserves someplace better, with wide open forests and fellow birds to play with. So that's why in the end, its better to let it fly and be free.

So even though I have doubts about my own belonging, the fact that people have found a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen to, or even just a pal to share the joys of life....even though that person may not be me. For the fact that I brought two or more together, so that I'm again left walking alone, I think its certainly for the best.

I do hope that one day, the person who has my cage will open it too. Perhaps then, I will be able to find the people that are truly 'my kind'? Be happy..free..and real?

Thanks Dee....this entry was written because of what you said.

Overture

When eating cockles, GD, who has never had a hepatitis jab, would tell me, "Eat first...lao sai later" I've taken my injections, so I guess there isn't a need to be afraid anymore, right? If only opposition members could get lawsuit immunization.

Like all lyrical Muses that are stuck in the pipelines of my inspiration, I deleted the last post because it was too banal. With all the dramas unfolding and the scripts getting more intriguing,as the grand epic of local politics tunes towards the finale, there is simply no room to get philosophical or patriotic. If you're above 21 and you prefer national day to polling day, you certainly have missed out on brains when the Man above was giving them out to the rest of us.

Yes, Mr Goners *ahem* Gomez, the chubby doe eyed minority candidate who ket his form in his bag, now stands accused for planning a diabolical scheme to undermine the competency of the local electoral system, all because of modern CCTV technology. Did you know in the USA, video evidence cannot be used in the court of Law? Apparently if you work on the frames, you can cut and paste scenes together. Its something like photoshop, like what one girl did to me by super-imposing my oh so gorgous face onto a fat body with fat tits and fat ass.

What's even more SHOCKING...is that for all his honesty in his mistakes, he is a postgraduate student in the university I'm studying now. OMG, now no matter how excelllent, how bright, how promising, how eloquent, how witty, how appealing you are to a prospective employer, there can only be one question, when they lay their eyes on your A4 sized resume.

"Eh...excuse me, but do you know how to fill in forms? I'm sorry we don't have a CCTV, but we need to know if YOU are credible"

That is ultimate the insult, especially if we intend to work in Mediacorp or SPH one day, to join the grand propaganda vehicle and get reincarnated into lightning bolts. One shot, one kill, all die. As of now I have close to 50 friends from the institution, with around 5 not being able to vote. As for the others, CAN'T YOU SEE, OUR MARKET VALUE WILL CRASH! WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING STILL THINKING ABOUT YOUR DAMN ASSIGNMENTS? OUR SENIOR IS IN TROUBLE, SHALL WE SIT THERE AND BITCH WHILE HE DIES IN THE NAME OF A MISSING FORM?

I can feel the vision coming. Gomez is handcuffed, like a big fat goat led to the slaughter. His eyes staring into outer space, even the form would cry out that he did not mean evil. But no, the powers that be will not let him of. The war has ended, now its time for the losers to pay. Its sad, for his gang is poor, they have exhausted all their resources on flags, flyers, badges, and lift upgrading. They weep to see him martyred for the hammer. In the near future, he will be revered as a saint, a man who 'per-sued' his ideals of an alternative (not hard rock) government. Many many years from now, when parties are neck to neck with single towns fought over by single mayors, the dot on the map will remember the sacrifces he made that fateful day, when the cameras caught him.

So yes, I implore all my mates (especially those in Mr D's class who have taken CCP and who know the value and pride of a free press). Stop your assignments and remember the man who will die for a lost cause. We need good men like him to fill up our forms.

P/S Someone commented that I have no mass appeal, that if ever I had a rally there would be no podium short enough for me. Oh and he said if he entered politics he would be in the ruling party. Uncharismatic bore, height is FAR FROM AN ISSUE IN POLIITICS OK? Yes, if you contest a SMC against me, I'll make sure all the residents eat your abalone porridge and vote you out~! HAHAHA!