a million things to look forward to...

Bad flu's keeping me off from sign language class. Got an sms from Mel today requesting a farewell speech for my graduation. I'm no toastmaster or rhetorical expert, and it's a little too early for celebrations, where I'm concerned.

I do not deny that the 3 of them have been a blessing. No matter how shitty things were elsewhere, I'm glad and thankful it was always fun and laughter when all of you were around.

On another note, my muse went to a place I hold dear to my heart, a place I would want to be, when all is said and done.

The feeling's even more special. At that place, many years ago, I decided in my heart that this woman, among all living other females alive, would live to inspire me.

Never regretted that resolution, even though she doesn't mean as much these days.

Strange that the past, with its memorable moments, do not captivate me as much as what the future has in store. It's like feeling faith beating within your frail heart, eagerly waiting for the day all will be made known.

Quite a thrill, if I might add.

I am hoping a time-slip could occur, where it's time to go. Or even better, when it's time to come home.

And yes, with stubby brown hands I can hold, for the very first time in my blessed life.

Eyes that kill

The biggest difference, between watching anime and ordinary television shows is facial expression. Anime drawings are rather static, relying on still images and dialogue to add meaning to the story. Most of the time, you can't decipher or paint a complete picture of the characters' feelings, simply because their faces are not contorted enough.

So shoot me, for yours truly has become a sucker for tragic romances, even when effects and story are not up to my expectations. Lunar Legend Tsukihime is another replica of human vampire-conflict, but 3 things stand out that drove me to the brink of tears at the end.

1) The coolness of the geek in being able to kill just by staring at lifelines (watch the clip to figure that out)

2) The forbidden and tragic love he shares with the vamp princess. Yes I am very very averse to 'happily ever afters'.

3) Last but not least, the similarities I observe in my own life and that of the characters. Disturbing, I know. I'm not surprised that when my parents aren't around any longer, my sister's gonna act like Akiha.

Sigh. Arcueid Brunestud would have been the perfect woman. If only she was real. :P



Did I mention I'm a huge lover of Japanese school uniforms? haha.

Uh-huh.

It really amazes me, as to how human beings can contradict themselves so well. As much as I strive for consistency in this pathetic life of mine, I realise our feelings lead us to scheme, keep numb, gossip and get angry all at the same time.

Do you know how tired I get seeing people acting like 10 year-olds just because rumours don't go their way?

As I was discussing with Mel, concern and harmful curiosity are two sides of the same coin. I can be genuinely interested in that person's affairs, but he/she can also shut me off and warn me about being nosey. Such incidents, though painful, help us differentiate between the worthy and selfish cads.

Please, we are living in a democratic society. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If you so decide to wage a hate-war, just migrate to North Korea or something. Over there, you can send people to jail for gossip.

Yes, I am guilty of rumour-mongering. Even now, I still regret having to assault a person's reputation in order to protect the interests of the rest. As for the other whiners, I believe I have not maligned or verbally harmed anyone of you. Don't assume I'm dying to know your affairs. Truth is, I don't even feel the need to attend your wake when you die, so stop thinking so highly of yourself.

It's even worse, when people do ask about how you are getting on, and you give escapist reasons like 'it's ok' or 'I don't wanna talk about it'. Keeping quiet won't solve your problem, because people are just going to add even more 'what ifs' to sweeten their coffee and tea.

Amongst all the bind evils that exist in this world, the worst cases are those who deliberately breach your trust to tell other people what you have been saying.

Briliant spies they are, and I do have my fair share of such scum, everywhere I go.

Idiots...when will you all EVER learn.

i am Joe sparrow...

My mind says:

I'm not the one you want.
I'm too poor and puny for you.
I can't make you laugh.
I can only watch from a distance.
I will live to see you happy with another.
I shouldn't be such a selfish jerk.
I should just quit before I'm torn apart.
I should not say...what I want to say.

My heart says:

It didn't say anything. I can't hear it because it's with you.

savy?

'Yes. It won't work out between us. Keep telling that to yourself darling'

on the road to perdition...

We often miss the point. When hearts are broken, an apology isn't the final solution. It is only the first step to making amends. The worst reaction conceivable, is to pretend that nothing is going on, or even quietly expect a friendship to blossom.

That is hypocrisy of the highest degree.

We're all fucked ups, aren't we? Even when we err, we still hope people will get over it soon so everyone can start feeling good again. It's a constant state of self-denial, because pain is a gift nobody wants.

Not even the ones who are in the wrong.

Sigh. I reckon the rain must be leading me to think this way...

The end is near?

Post-exam celebrations were overshadowed by a socially bitter after-taste, but a lone trip to the museum, tea with Ky and supper with Esther perked things up a great bit :)

I just don't understand why in a crowd, people have to clone their own little world and be oblivious to everything else that surrounds them.

Even as I contemplated whether my biased judgement would prevent me from pointing out a blind spot to someone, Esther reminded me that some folks on this blue planet are capable of wasting your time. It's hard to ever place any value on feelings. Little wonder that no one will ever know for sure, just how much is wasted.

What a pretty little disaster we all have made.

At this point, I'm just way too drained to brood over this. I just wish time could sprint to the year 2008, where I'm packing my bags to leave and thinking of what I should say to her .

That would definitely make alot more sense.

believe it or not...



they are comin back!!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
LOL. I crack up just watching this la.

They looked a million times cuter back then.

so what's next?

Uncertainty. I guess that's what this is.

So right now, I'm nearing the crossroads, pondering over the next chapter once my paper ends on Thursday. It feels kinda creepy because there will be actually 6 months of virtual silence before the answers to most of the issues creep above my horizon.

Given the nature of my degree, there are many options available (insurance is definitely not one of them ;P). However, all I really ever want to do...is write.

I doubt folks will ever know me because of my work. As you know, the only time the book or story gets immortalised is when the writer really dies. Like how some fishes and insects spawn and pass away, so it is with writers and their 'children'. The poor writer lives for what he loves and dies, never knowing if those words will see the light of day.

Sigh..I see dark grim days ahead.

The one thing I'll never forget, would be the words that my 'sadist mentor' gave to me, just before I ended my 'training'

'write. re-write. write more'

This has got to be one of the best shows local TV has ever imported. It's a tight, emotionally-charged piece of speculative fiction, depicting the life of America's 51st president Robert McAllister, known as 'Bobby' to his loved ones and friends. Although the series was canned after one season (yes, Warner Brothers be damned for that), just watching the remnant of episodes lying around within the box got me thinking hard about what lies ahead. For Bobby, who lived in the shadow of his older brother and domineering mother, all he wanted to do was get past high school.

It's scary how certain events can just turn our lives around. One moment we are enjoying our youth, and the next we're looking back and wondering how and why we ever got there in the first place.

Perhaps if we look back years from now, we might realise that the past was never prepared for the present at all.

It's no surprise that the saying, 'live one day at a time' makes a great deal of sense :)

谈钱伤感情

Quite often, my buddies will ask me this question:

'If your friend is in trouble and needs all your money, will you help him? Even if it means he will not be able to pay you back?'

Yeah, some of you might wonder, how come I have friends who actually think like un-educated street gamblers...

I do applaud their attempts at trying to rationalise abstract thought, but this question actually ranks lower than the 'chicken and egg' problem on the intelligence scale. There are two very basic, if not idiot-proof reasons behind this.

1)The one who is asking, is often also the one without much cash
2)Following from (1), the one who asks will ALWAYS say yes to that question because probability dictates that he will NEVER encounter such a situation.

Therefore, this question is just a hoax used to put the 'financial' planners in a spot.

going or gone?

Decided to rid this blog of a few mindless entries. Laughter is the best medicine, but it's also been said that true wisdom comes with great brooding.

I belive I'm not wrong to say that the 6 of us are drifting apart, but even before we can officially say goodbye, I hope that the reasons for doing so are the right ones. Yet, who has the right to say which reasons are right...or wrong?

For one thing, I always knew in my heart that I had a best friend. However, I've never questioned if that feeling was mutual, much less wonder if this person would be as selfless as I could be. At the end of the day, I found out that he didn't feel likewise, and very often the both of us were just selfish bastards.

I once heard someone say, 'people do get lonely, especially when they are deprived of something they truly care about'. The words do ring true, but the tendency to find an imperfect substitute for such loneliness always remains. As I am no social butterfly with closet-loner syndrome, the painful realisation of close friends drifting away takes on a more poignant turn.

failed friendships. failed relationships. failed love.

Sure, the cynic within me says it's all because of the wrong reasons. I keep questioning my heart, but many issues remain unresolved.

One thing I'm sure, is that selfishness clouds ALOT of my judgement.

And maybe, it isn't about letting go of that person per se, but just simply erasing all your expectations. That would make each and every moment more enjoyable, don't you think?